“Interest-ING people are interest-ED.” 

A good friend once told me that, and it stuck.  Her comment was about my visit to hear her daughter give testimony at their church, even though her family’s religion is different from my own.  I found it surprising that she found this impressive.  Wouldn’t anyone do the same? 

But the older I get, the more I witness people so stuck in their own way of thinking that they not only disagree with, but are quick to condemn beliefs, thinking, or behaviors which differ from their own point of view.  And in these modern times where the middle ground seems to be a fading landscape, I’ve re-affirmed a personal commitment to always being open to not only hearing, but to LEARNING new perspectives – not “if”, but especially “when” they differ from my own.

Last week, I traveled to visit my mom and step-dad in Glendale, Arizona.  It was a wonderful visit, getting much needed time to sit, talk, and catch up with their lives.  Throughout the visit, it struck me again that living “right” means always being in a place of learning and empathy.  The visit was a great reminder of this lesson as I learned the following:

• No matter where you travel all over the world, you are always at home at your mother’s place.
• The only person on Earth who has more photos than me of the people (and dogs) I love is my mother.
• There is such a thing as Turkey Spam, and it’s actually not half bad.
• Even when you are 52 years old, listen to your mother.  Especially when she advises you to use a ladder (instead of a chair) to change the batteries in the smoke detector.  (See photo inset; smh.)
• Phoenix may be a blaze of glory all summer long, but in January – it is a pure delight.
• Aging is hard.  Not just on the body, but on the mind, and mental confusion can be just as painful as any deterioration of bone or muscle.
• There are wonderful organizations who provide services in Home Health and Home Care.  In Home Care, caregivers come into the home (as little or as much as needed) to help the elderly remain independently in their own homes for as long as possible.  These angels run errands, drive to doctor’s appointments, change bed linens, do laundry, help bathe or dress the person, or just sit down and play cards to keep the person company.  Prior to this trip, I’d not known such services existed – and was surprised especially at how affordable these services are.  Knowing this now, my heart is lightened as I now have options to turn to when I live so far away.
• And finally, after being on the road for a full week, I walked through my front door to a warm homecoming from my husband and two dogs and was reminded again that there truly is no place like home.

I was surprised yesterday afternoon by a phone call from a business school student at the University of Maryland.  She got my name from an alumni list and asked if I would mind spending 15 minutes to provide some career advice as she’s about to graduate and enter the world of Corporate America.

One of her most interesting questions was to ask, if I only had one singular piece of advice to give, what would it be?  And the answer, surprisingly, came as clear as a bell – to be ever conscious of the power of follow-up. To explain what I mean, let’s back up two weeks.

During an afternoon of too many meetings and emails, I accidentally received an email not intended for me. (It was a typical Outlook error where the email was intended for a different “Connie”.)  I could easily have hit delete but thought it would be best to let the sender know that the right “Connie” hadn’t gotten the message. (Follow up #1.)

I responded that I’d been mistakenly copied and made a joke about someone in the email stream who might be upset that I was copied because she sounded rather upset in her message.  She and I didn’t know each other at all, but she found my joke funny and responded to me directly.  (Follow up #2.)

We traded a few light-hearted emails; she looked me up on Linked In; and circled back to ask me about my Teen Leadership program.  (Follow ups #3 and #4.) 

And here’s where the “gold” comes in.

It would have been SO easy for me to tell her that the marketing consulting side of my business has kept me from being able to spend much time developing the Teen Leadership program that I’m passionate about.  It would have been SO easy to tell her that I’d love to talk to her sometime in a few months about the potential for collaboration opportunities.  Instead, my instinct was to follow-up.  Because you never know what leads may arise, personal or professional, when you make the time to be present.

So, we set up a call (Follow up #5) and what was intended to be a brief introduction turned into an hour-long conversation with connections and common interests being sparked throughout.

As it turns out, she’s the Executive Director for a large professional organization of business leaders. Her team is planning a Youth Conference for the Spring of 2019 and after reading on my website about my Teen Life Skills program, she invited me to submit a proposal to be part of that program.  This conference would not only be an exceptional opportunity to launch my program officially, but could potentially lead to other opportunities with sister chapters across the U.S.

And this brings us to my random call from the student at the University of Maryland, which came in exactly two hours after my fortuitous conversation with the executive director. 

And thus, when the student asked for my singular piece of advice – the answer was easy. Never forget the power of follow-up.  Never forget that most people won’t invest the time or energy because they think they’re “too busy”.  It is too easy to sit behind a keyboard and apply for a job, then wait for the phone to ring.  It is too easy to wait for someone else to call and schedule a meetup for lunch or dinner.  It is too easy to say, “I don’t have time for that phone call or to attend that event,” when in reality – it may have been exactly the place you needed to be to meet just the right contact which leads to a perfect job, relationship, or learning opportunity.

In short – be the one to take the initiative.  Follow-up on emails, phone calls, appointments, and relationships.  Invest energy in other people, even when you have no idea where that conversation or introduction may lead.  Because in the end, follow-up is the biggest differentiator between those who dream and those who succeed.

Considered by many to be the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin recently passed away, and the funeral services held in her honor were a spectacle, to say the least.  In no way is this meant to be critical, but rather a simple observation that the size of the crowds, length of the service, number of speakers, and changes in wardrobe were most unlike any funeral or memorial service I’d ever seen before. 

For some, this was cause for immediate ridicule. And yet I ask – why is that true?  Who did it hurt?  Does it matter what kind of service she wanted versus what you think is “appropriate?” And even more importantly, might there be some benefit to this style of service that we might learn from (even if it’s different than what we might have planned ourselves?)

More and more, in this politically-charged environment – everything, and I mean EVERY-thing seems to be about taking a corner at the polar extreme of any issue and doling out harsh criticism to anyone who believes differently than we do.  The “middle ground” is becoming more elusive than ever, as those at the far extremes seem to get more attention and thus, dominate the popular culture belief about what is "normal" or acceptable.

Referencing a cartoon I recently found online, there's a picture of a speaker onstage who asks a large crowd … “Who wants CHANGE?”… and a sea of hands raise high in the air.  But when that same speaker asks the crowd … “Who wants TO change?” … there’s not a hand to be seen.  I believe the same can be said for respect.  We all want it, and believe we deserve it, but how often do we SHOW it to others?

To that point, there’s a current controversy going on because Nike chose to include Colin Kaepernick in a series of advertisements celebrating the 30-year anniversary of their “Just Do It” campaign.  Within hours, I saw videos online of people burning their Nike shoes and products in protest.  And I just couldn’t help but marvel at the irony here.  Those people were burning their Nikes in silent protest of something they don’t agree with – which is Colin Kaepernick’s right to silently protest something HE doesn’t agree with.  Because like it or not, this issue isn’t about football, or the flag, or veterans, or about the pride we have in being U.S. citizens.  The real issue is that the very thing we need to flourish as a Democratic society is to show respect for everyone’s point of view, especially when that view is completely opposite our own.

A favorite quote of mine (from the movie “The American President”) sums it up beautifully:

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free".

With this mindset, I urge all of us to stop and consider what it looks like to show respect to someone you disagree with.  What words would you use?  How much tolerance would you have?  Where and when might you work to protect their views and rights, especially when they disagree with your own?  Because I believe this is the essence of what is missing in society today – the desire and mandate that we fight to protect the respect that is shown to others, no matter what race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, or political party they belong to.  Only in this way can we grow, despite our differences, to find that elusive “common ground."

Raised as an only child by a single mother, I’ve always been cautious about spending money – minimizing debt and saving towards an emergency fund, just in case.  Being both frugal and risk-averse, many were surprised by my recent leap of faith, leaving the safety and security of a regular paycheck after nearly 30 years as an executive in Corporate America.  But for me, this was the next natural move in both my professional and personal life. 

Unbeknownst to me at the time, the first step in this direction came in 2014.  Serving as vice president of marketing and communications for a multi-billion commercial construction management business, I found myself at a unexpected crossroads. I’d had 15 great years with the company, growing in my professional responsibilities, learning from the best of my colleagues, and finding great friendships along the way. Then, the sea tides changed.  Significant leadership changes occurred which then gave way to a storm of corporate politics and ugly behaviors, all in a power struggle for control.  I spent two years trying to navigate these stormy waters, but soon found myself depleted and void of the energy to keep “fighting the fight.”

One restless night, I awoke from a vivid dream where I was doing battle in the center of a huge amphitheater. (Imagine Russell Crowe in Gladiator.) As I looked around the ring, all I could see were huge crowds, all screaming for more action and excitement. On that dust-covered floor were many fierce warriors, all ready and willing to fight to the death in order to claim victory. 

There seemed to be no way out, until suddenly I noticed a perfect piece of architecture I hadn’t noticed before.  There, through a beautiful arched doorway, I saw the most brilliant blue sky inviting me to come explore the world beyond where I stood.  With immediate clarity I thought, “I have a choice.  Why am I still here fighting for something I no longer want?”  In the dream, I dropped my weapons and walked out.  In reality, I resigned my position the next morning, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

What came next was four years of opportunity in an entirely new field – women’s health.  I had a chance to do more direct-to-consumer work than my prior position, and to both learn and advocate in an area I was passionate about.  That opportunity would never have been realized if I’d been afraid to make a change.

The moral of this true story is three-fold:

1. When you find yourself feeling TRAPPED, look around. The exit may be right there, staring you in the face.
2. No matter how much or how little you make, always save a portion of EVERY dollar you earn towards a rainy day fund. Because no matter who you are, there will come a time when the skies open up, the torrential rains arrive, and you’ll need that fund to give you shelter from the storm.
3. And finally, even at your lowest point, always remember – there ARE blue skies ahead. Sometimes they take a bit longer to find than you might like, but they are there, waiting to show you the promise of a new day.     

About the Author
Connie Oliver is the owner and founder of Fish Genius, LLC, a consulting service designed to help build both personal and professional brands. For businesses, they offer marketing strategy, research, and campaign development to build brand awareness and grow revenue. For teenagers, a training curriculum in life skills development helps young people, ages 13 to 19, grow their confidence and skillset in managing life – no matter what path they choose beyond high school.  If you’re interested in learning more, contact Connie at connie@fishgenius.net.